Br. Monday and the Domesticans

Monastic Monday
Br. Monday, OD

Br. Monday has been through quite a bit over the years. First, he spent some time with the Desert Fathers, until there was an unfortunate barbarian incident. Then he found the Thelemites, and thought he had joined the perfect order (for him). But that didn’t work out. Now he’s decided to found his own order of hermits, the Domesticans.

Defined by Mikhail Epstein, a domestican is “someone who preaches the values of domestic life.”

Here’s the full entry.

domestican n–someone who preaches the values of domestic life, hearth and home

A typical domestican hates going outside and prefers kitchen and living room to all attractions of the world.

He is as reclusive as a monk, though his monastery is his own house. In a word, he is a domestican.

Following Br. Monday’s Rule, each Domestican (after purchasing said Rule for a convenient fee of $19.95) will supply his own place as a domestic hermitage and sanctuary. Domesticans will cultivate community through no contact with each other. To expect visits from other Domesticans would mean to devalue their homely vocation, and to visit a Domestican would mean to bring the world into their suburban cell.

But wait! How can the Domesticans be an order of preachers then?

I’m glad you asked.

Each Domestican must stay up-to-date on the newest technology and have either a Snapchat or Instagram account. According to the Rule of Br. Monday (RM 7.5), no other platforms are acceptable, in perpetuity. Then, safely from their own spacious, three-bedroom cells, the Domesticans can show the glories of their daily breakfast (though no fast is ever required by the Rule).

To be clear, stay-at-home parents, media nuns, actual hermits–basically anyone who fills their domestic space with unseemly care for other persons are barred from the Order of the Domesticans (RM Prologue). To quote the founder, “Their law is the love of others and not the love of their own home. Of the miserable conduct of all such it is better to be silent than to speak” (RM Prologue). The purpose of the order’s preaching is not to bring more people domestic joy, but to preserve the Founder’s own enjoyment by limiting the amount of visitors at his door.


You can find more of Professor Epstein’s definitions in his PreDictionary. The project is described as “a projective dictionary that does not register words already in use but ‘predicts’ new words and introduces them for the first time.”

Here are some of my favorites:

chronocide  n (Gr khronos, time + Lat cidum, from caedere, to slay; cf. genocide, homicide, parricide)  –  the murder of time,  the violent interruption of historical succession and continuity.

Any revolution is a form of chronocide: the past and present are sacrificed to the future. Any counterrevolution is also a chronocide: the present and the future are sacrificed to the past.

Communism is a chronocide: it destroys traditions in its leap to the chimeric future. Fascism is a chronocide: it brings society under the spell of the mythic past.

eventify v  trans  (from event )– to fill with events, to make more eventful.

Do you want to eventify your life? To make it fuller and  more exciting? Come travel with us.

Let’s think how we could eventify our next vacation.

You know I love you but our relationship is becoming a routine. I’m looking for some ways to eventify it.

It seems desirable to eventify one’s life, but this  might prove  distracting or even destructive for life itself.

What words from the PreDictionary would you like to see brought into our active lexicons and used in everyday life?

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